Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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