If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I look better un-naked...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
