I feel like abortions should bother me more
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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