I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
