I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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