Can i not drive my cunt home
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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