Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
