Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
