Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Boobs are out for the taking
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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