It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
