I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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