I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
