I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
