I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
