They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
