I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
