He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
