that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
