Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
