I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
