new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Moan for me like Helen Keller
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
