Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
