Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
