I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
