these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
