There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
