Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
