Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
