He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
