I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
