Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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