I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
