How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
