dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
