What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just had sex on a roof
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
