Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
