Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
