My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
