i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
