she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
