R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
false alarm, still single
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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