I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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