"it" just moved
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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