nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
