dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
