Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
