Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
