Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
