if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
