you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
