My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
