Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
