He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
