All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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