i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
